Adapting

Image from thedoublethink.com

Since being made redundant nearly two months ago, I'm starting to adapt to life as a stay at home mum. If I am honest the prospect is still scaring the living daylights out of me.

It's not that I don't want to be at home with my children, because I do. What I worry about  is my increasing lack of identity and the financial implications.

I've worked since I was 16 - part time jobs when I was in the sixth form and university, then full time once I graduated. For 16 years I've earned my own money and paid my own way, so not having a salary going into my account at the end of every month is giving me the jitters.

I had an OK redundancy package and I know how to spend and save in equal measure so that helps a lot. But I can't help feeling stressed that I will have to depend on my fiance for all things money orientated. I know our current situation will not last for ever, but it's still hard to adjust to all the same.

When I am asked what my occupation is, the reply leaves me feeling flat - 'unemployed, stay at home mum'. The look on the face of the person who has asked  always seems to be that of complete nonchalance. They really couldn't care less about this all consuming job I am undertaking.

I've been so used to responding with the words; 'Account manager, Advertising Manager, Marketing Executive' over the years, I used to feel a sense of pride when sharing these titles, even though the work was less than desirable at times. Now here I am doing the most important job in the world ever, and I am embarrassed by the title associated.

What is going on?

I know how I'm feeling is everything to do with me and nothing to do with anyone else, but I can't help but think that society places very little importance or value on stay at home parents and I often feel reluctant to declare that this is who I am right now. These days I am trying my hardest to dip my toes into as many different little projects as possible, to give myself a variety of things to focus on and keep my brain stimulated.

Starting this blog has been one of the best things I have done. The possibilities are endless and the fact that I am able to pour my thoughts, be as creative as I want and meet fabulous people all at the same time, is the icing on the cake. It is exactly what I have been looking for, for so long. Cyber space rocks!

So onwards and upwards I suppose. I'm sure that in time I'll find a way to earn a living and look after my children. Already there are so many little things in the pipeline that leave me thoroughly excited just thinking about them.

And of course there are my three wonderful little bubba's who make each and every day worthwhile. I'm so blessed to be a mother, but it's sad that I sometimes take for granted how privileged I am to be able to be at home with my little ones in their formative years.

Note to self - I must be more thankful for what I have and not stress about what I have not...

What things are you adapting to lately?

Wonderful world, wonderful people

Image from petsfoto.com

Just when you think the human race has gone to pot, along comes someone who makes your day.

After a few days of hibernation due to a stressful week, the children and I ventured out. It's always an effort to get out and about with three children and no car, but with resolve in my heart, and a positive attitude I bit the bullet and we left the house.

I took them on a long walk showing them the route I used to take to school. My middle daughter is two and a half and I make her walk much to her dismay. I do feel guilty because she is only little, but it's so much easier pushing the baby in the Maclaren rather than using our bulky double buggy. You can't get it on trains, buses or through doors. Plus getting the monstrosity into a car boot is a nightmare not to mention the lack of storage space at the bottom, so there's nowhere to put your shopping. No disrespect to the buggy because the design is fab and I wish I could use the thing, but it's just too much grief. Better designed for the countryside I think.

Anyway we took the long walk at snails pace and even then my middle child was moaning that she was tired. I gritted my teeth, this was painful, it was bitterly cold and we were only halfway into the journey. Finally we reached the warmth of the local chip shop and sat down for tasty fish and chip lunch. Next onto the soft play area, then into Morrisons to get some bits.

As we left the supermarket I braced myself for the walk back home, at this point both girls were whining lots. I put on a brave face and gave words of encouragement. Ahead of me I saw a lady loading her car, her smiley face looking warm and open. I smiled back outwardly, my face probably failing to hide my inner angst, or maybe she could tell through 'mummy intuition'. As I got closer I saw she had three boys not too much older than my three children. She sympathised with me as she could see my girls were struggling. She asked where I was going, when I told her she balked. She knew I still had a way to go.

Then to my amazement she told me to wait whilst she asked her neighbour to look after her boys so she could drop us home. I was lost for words, here was this wonderful stranger offering to take us out of the cold, out of our misery and give us a lift home. It was so unexpected and I was so extremely grateful. There are wonderful people in this world who seem to pop up out of nowhere to make our day brighter.

Not only was she my lifesaver, but I've made a new friend and already we're planning to meet up with our children for a play date. What a beautiful world we live in!

Thank you Nicola. May God richly bless you and your family x