Testimony Time

It's TESTIMONY TIME. Today's testimony comes courtesy of the lovely Anne-Marie Clarke. Anne-Marie and I have been following eachother on Twitter for months and when I first started blogging I was going to feature her in an inspirational interview feature I was running at the time. For one reason or another the interview never materialised. However, fast forward several months and now she's on the blog to testify to God's amazing love, grace and mercy. I'm telling you when you make everything about Jesus, things that you never thought would/could happen or simply gave up on start coming into fruition. IT IS AWESOME!! Thank you Jesus!!

So without further ado here is Anne-Marie's powerful testimony taken straight from her blog.

"Well It's been a while,I don't know why I've been procrastinating, but I'm finally here! So the Holy Spirit showed up and stirred up the hearts of the young people in our regional praise and worship service last Sunday night. WOW WOW WOW! How Great is our God? It was truly a blessing. I was filled with the Holy Spirit for the first time, and I felt strongholds being lifted off. WoW! I was truly in awe of God's presence, and since last Sunday I have been in the spirit of worship. I can't find words to describe how much I love God. On Tuesday night, I was talking to my amazing sister in Christ Kelsey and we were talking about the amazing things God has done in our lives and where He has taken us from. I felt in my spirit God saying 'It's time to 'Align myself with His word' I was like; '...errmmm, what does that mean God?' It simply meant for me that I had to get to know God truly for myself and what HE thinks of me! I was like 'woah'... that was truth right there. The enemy has a way of creeping in and feeding my mind with his lies, and for years I have believed him and carried on living my everyday life. 

Since being sexual abused by my cousin at the age of eight years old the devil automatically allowed me to believe that it was my fault, that I was in the wrong somehow, and not knowing any better I believed him! My innocence was taken. I felt awful. I grew up thinking something was wrong with me, that no one would ever love me! I didn't know what love felt like from a male figure. My Dad left when I was seven years old and he was the only male role model in my life. So I walked around with this secret for years. Even at the age of nine, when I went to a child doctor for weeks of counselling to find out why I was different, disturbed and with drawn I still couldn't open up! I didn't speak up until I was 21 and I told a counsellor. But by then years and years and years of guilt, hurt and damage had built up! I believed there was no one out there who could help me! I felt useless, ashamed and betrayed.  I remember being homeless and living on the streets. I would go to work with my bags and wash in the disabled toilets. An amazing family (the Beaumont family) took me in. I will never forget their grace and kindness, I will forever be grateful to them. After years of depression and self harm and 3 failed suicide attempts I am still here! Why?? Because GOD had a divine plan for my life!!! I did not see what God was doing in my life at the time, but He saw the best in me when the world could only see the worst. The pain had a purpose. He kept me even when I didn't want to be kept! He loved me when I was in my sin and shame. But what blows my mind is how he delivered me!

He delivered me from self harm. I was self harming two to three times a day. The fire, the iron, the blade, scissors. What ever I could get my hands on, where ever I was! I wanted to feel something, be something. But all I saw was blood, lots of it, It didn't heal my broken heart.  But God!


Suicide. I was in the hospital many times, I went to the mental hospital for many different appointments. I was on all kinds of anti-depressant medicines. But in my head all I wanted to be was dead. I never thought there was a way out, a light at the end of a tunnel. My aim was to end my life. But God! 


Depression. It took over my life for many years. I was forever low, unhappy, unpopular. I felt like I had no purpose, no goal, no ambition. I felt I was merely living to exist. I was bullied, pushed down stairs, bitten and blamed. I had no confidence no self esteem, no self worth. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror, I cursed my life and asked God to not wake me up in the morning. I have no use or purpose in this life. 


But God was there every step of the way. It's hard to believe that when I gave up on him, he NEVER gave up  on me. When I began to seek God for myself and got to have a one to one relationship with Him I got to find him for myself. It was an awesome finding too. I began to see that I wasn't a disaster, I wasn't a mistake, I shouldn't have been aborted, I was here for a divine purpose and for a time like this. I had to really cry before God, and search deep into my heart and ask God for healing and forgiveness. I think that was the hardest part. But when I focused on God and His word, I began to feel and treat myself differently. I began to see myself like God see's me. I Am who I Am because I am His! Once you align yourself with God and his word you are going in the right direction! 

"From my heart to the heavens, Jesus be the center and its all about you"

Deuteronomy 28:13  ^'And the Lord shall make thee the head, and not the tail; and thou shalt be above only, and thou shalt not be beneath; if that thou hearken unto the commandments of the Lord thy God, which I command thee this day, to observe and to do them.' 


Jeremiah 29:11 'For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.'


Psalms 139:14 ^'I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.' 

Such an Awesome testimony. Thank you so much for sharing Anne-Marie, I know God will reach out and minister to a lost soul through your testament to what God can and will do in the lives of those who really believe and trust in Him. Hallelujah Jesus!!

If you have a testimony of how God has transformed your life then please do get in touch by emailing me at:  theaccidentalmogul@hotmail.co.uk

Coping

Being a mum of three children is not easy. If we're honest being a human being in this World isn't easy. My journey to motherhood was a rocky one. I suffered multiple miscarriages before discovering I have a Balanced chromosome translocation. A condition which means my propensity for recurring miscarriages was and is 1 in 4. I suffered four traumatic miscarriages before going on to have three healthy babies in quick session. Never did I think this would be possible.


My complicated pregnancy history meant I had to have CVS procedures for each of my three successful pregnancies. These were carried out at Kings College Hospital London, an excellent specialist hospital which helped me through the whole of my pregnancy journey good and bad.


The reason I reminisce on all of this is because despite the harrowing road I have travelled to get my three children I still have moments when I'm so stressed out with motherhood, my relationship with my OH, family members, people, the world, my life. I have days when I wallow in self pity, and I feel completely ungrateful, especially for not embracing this beautiful gift that is motherhood. My goodness there were days I would cry and worry and resign myself to the fact that I would never have a child of my own.


There were moments I would long for just one baby, and here I am blessed with three and wallowing in the stress of it all. Wasting days feeling sorry for myself when I should be rejoicing EVERYDAY for the miracles that have been bestowed upon me.

I lost an ovary during my third unsuccessful pregnancy. The pregnancy in which I lost a little boy at 20 weeks. At that point I thought I was doomed. Could things get any worse? How on earth could I ever possibly have a baby when I had a genetic condition and only one ovary? But it is not for me to know how, because through God Almighty ALL things are POSSIBLE. I am testament to that.


No matter what you have been through or what you are going through, no matter how low you are, He can make a change. When I lost my baby I wanted to die, not to kill myself, but be free of the horrific emptiness that consumed me. I would look at the beautiful clouds above and long to be reunited with my son. I was 25 years old and in a terrible relationship that was about to end, I lost my baby and nearly lost all hope. Never in my life had I been so low. How did I get from that dark place, to where I am now? Three children who have a loving father and me a fiancé? Only by God's Grace.


I am writing this post because I am seeing things more clearly than I have for a long time. A few weeks ago I was in quite a tough place. I was feeling unsettled and dissatisfied with my lot, and then I had a life changing experience whilst at a church conference (something I will have to go into more detail in a future post). It has rejuvenated my passion for my faith.


Before this, I was slipping into a place I didn't belong. I was drifting away from Christ and getting complacent. I even found myself liking alcohol a little too much. It went from being something I'd enjoy in the evening every now and again with the OH, to something I was looking forward to whilst on my own. Not to get wasted, (those days are long gone) but to take the edge off the frustration and irritation I seemed to constantly feel. I wrongly believed my children to be the cause, but it was me and my inability to realise my blessings, give thanks for what I DO HAVE rather that what I DO NOT. I was not putting God and his Word first, my faith had waned and I was getting caught up with ego, pride and feelings of self pity. Well not any more. My eyes have been opened. I want to follow His Word and take my Christian life seriously. I am reading my Bible and I am praying for God to show me the purpose He has for my life. The Christian path is not an easy road and I am not perfect, but if I keep my eyes on Him and follow His word, the Holy Spirit will do the rest.


I think I'm going to stop there now. There is so much more I want to say, yet there is still so much more I must learn first. Here is a scripture I read over the weekend whilst having some quiet time. Just me and my Bible, I think it sums up where I am at right now.

But without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him.
Hebrews 11;6