A lovely afternoon...

I started writing this post on Sunday, with every intention of posting it ON Sunday, but life is hectic, so here it is on Wednesday................enjoy!

Today was one of those lovely kind of days where everything was just, well lovely.

The sun was beaming, the world was bright and shiny and everything was good. Praise God!

I attended an event in Islington with my sister and it was really enjoyable. Titled 'Calm down it will grow naturally' it was an event aimed at celebrating natural hair. Being a Christian, I loved the fact that the organisers Ranette and Cresha and the event host Annell Smith did not shy away from their faith and they boldly proclaimed their love of God by sharing scriptures and giving a prayer of thanksgiving before we ate.

There were a selection of speakers who shared information on everything from the science of hair courtesy of Michelle Grande from Afrotherapy to a mini demonstration on how to style your own hair from the lovely and super talented natural hair stylist Tieska McDowell; that was A LOT of fun and I've started practicing an inverted French plait from the nape of my neck upwards thanks to her. High five Tieska.

As I've been natural for two and a half years, some of the information I was already quite familiar with. However I loved the intimate setting of the meet; a Greek/Lebanese type restaurant, where we ate and drank whilst listening to the speakers. The lovely Erica, co-founder of Love Harlem spoke about caring for natural hair and gave five alliterative principles. Her product range is gorgeous, and I managed to nab a sample of the Love Harlem Avocado Butter, courtesy of my sister who won a goodie bag and was generous enough to let me have the butter. Thanks sis.

Another speaker was Gillian who talked about her journey to sisterlocs. This was very interesting as I don't know much about locs, but learnt that in order for your locs to be called sisterlocs they must be installed by a qualified sisterloc technician or trainee, who has to be certified by the home office. Think I remembered that correctly. If not please forgive me. All sounded pretty hardcore and serious to me. Also, contrary to popular belief you can return to natural loose hair, if you no longer want your sisterlocs. Gillian knows a few people who have done just that. Only snag is it took THREE AND A HALF MONTHS to take them all out....Wowzers!!!

Last up was Nwadi, who spoke on the politics of natural hair. Really thought provoking and got me thinking about a few things. It was also nice to meet her, as we follow each other on twitter. She is a bubbly, beautiful person.

After the speakers there was an opportunity to network and I made some great connections....AND bought a gorgeous canvas bag courtesy of The River Hut Company. Looking forward to what lies ahead......a great Sunday!

The lovely Tieska demonstrating her awesome talent.

My Love Harlem goodies

Meeee

My River Hut Company canvas bag. I LOVE it.

My beautiful sister with beautiful Gillian who talked about her Sister locs.

The 'MGW' assignment - week 9 - Isaiah 53:5

Happy Sunday everyone, hope you are all well. As you may have noticed I haven't been posting the memory verses on the blog each week as intended. Too much going on and too little time. To be honest it's not only that, I'm finding that social media, if you are not careful, can very quickly eat into a lot of your time, and before you know it your blogging, tweeting and pinning more than you're reading your Bible, praying or helping those in need right in front of you and that ain't good!! I'm trying to get the balance right by seeking God FIRST before and above everything. Pray for me. If you follow me on Instagram I have been posting the verses every week there so if you want to catch up on previous scriptures just pop over to my IG page. You can click on any of the IG pictures in the side bar on the right, and it will take you to the page.

So let's get to it. This week's memory verse as with all of God's word is powerful. The Holy Spirit laid this verse heavily on my heart in the early hours of this morning, so here it is. Isaiah 53:5 is a scripture which reveals what Jesus Christ overcame when He sacrificed Himself for us.

Jesus Christ is our Way Maker, He is our Intercessor, our Redeemer, our Healer. Without Him making the sacrifice of shedding His innocent, precious blood on the cross there was no way of us sinners being reconciled with God, our Heavenly Father. He who bore no sin was beaten, spat upon, humiliated and murdered in the worst way possible so that we could be cleansed of our sin and have eternal life with Him in Heaven, if we accept Him as our personal Lord and saviour, which is precisely what He is.

He died on Calvary's cross for our transgressions, for our iniquities, for our inability to right the wrongs, which began in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve. He bore the brunt of all of it for all our sakes. He was whipped with a lead tipped rope. His flesh was torn apart and by His very wounds, His very suffering WE ARE HEALED!! There is POWER IN THE BLOOD OF JESUS to break every chain of bondage, oppression, sickness, weakness, depression, addiction, anger, frustration, manipulation, self pity. Whatever stronghold is destroying your life, Jesus Christ can deliver you. Let Him into your life, into your heart and see how He transforms you.

Phew....I need to get my praise on!! Hallelujah Jesus!!! Holy Ghost power people. It is REAL. As always meditate on this verse in the morning and before bed and throughout the day if you can. I would also encourage you to read the whole of Isaiah chapter 53. It is mind blowing. This is in addition to your daily prayer time and communion with The Lord. Please feel free to comment so we can fellowship. Have a blessed week.

Friday reflections - week 11

My Friday reflection posts are a bit sporadic. Sorry about that. It's not my intention. Things seem to be so topsy turvy in my life at the moment. What's up? You may ask. Well a lot of things really. God is making some big changes, which although seem hard to bear are very necessary. And you know what? He is giving me the grace to keep smiling, rejoicing and giving thanks throughout it all.

In years gone by, I would have been an emotional, depressed, stressed out wreck having to deal with what I'm going through now, and that was without having kids in the equation. I am telling you God provides strength in weakness. I am a witness to this fact. On my own I am weak, but by casting ALL my burdens on Him, I can soar high like an eagle. Hallelujah to my provider Jehovah Jirah!

My situation is hard to explain at the moment because I'm still trying to discern it all properly for myself, but I know what is happening is for my greater good, so I continue to keep the faith and press on.

I follow some truly godly pages on instagram and came across this post from @godquotes which pierced my heart and I really felt God was speaking to me through it. Needless to say it bought some beautiful clarity to my situation. Thank you Jesus.

Without a shadow of a doubt God truly does bring indescribable peace in the midst of life's most crazy storms.

"6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. 7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
Phillipians 4:6-7

Seek Him out today, He can give you strength in your brokenness. All you need to do is call on His name and He will meet you at your point of need.

Doing the right thing

I was approached by a TV Production company a couple of weeks ago. One of the assistant producers had read my iPhone widow post and wanted me to be involved in a 'fun type' program they were filming about this very topic.

It is crazy, but I've been praying about a whole variety of things lately and one thing in particular was the OH's iPhone addiction. It's no joke, he is obsessed. I know it is so easy to get drawn into your phone, (I'm quite attached to mine), but the OH's relationship with his phone is NEXT LEVEL. Believe me. Anyway you could imagine the utter shock when completely out of the blue I received an email which addressed the very issue I'd been praying about only a few days before. Wow!!

It was so hard to decide if this was God working in the situation, because the TV program was setting up a prank type scenario, which involved duping individuals with mobile phone addictions (he really would have been a perfect candidate). But the word 'prank', kept ringing alarm bells in my mind. After all aren't pranks, by there very nature quite cruel? Of course they can sometimes be funny, but there is always someone who ends up looking a complete fool. I looked up the definition of the word prank and it read.....'A practical joke or mischievous act' - OK nothing too wrong with that, and then I looked at the 16th century definition and it read - 'wicked deed'. Well that was all the confirmation I needed, I couldn't go ahead with it. God would not answer my prayers by leading me to partake in something which is defined as a wicked deed, despite the producer assuring me that it was light hearted fun.

Back in the day I would have jumped at this kind of opportunity, but my new life as a born again Christian has truly changed me. It took quite a bit of brain- racking, but I'm glad I turned the opportunity down and I know in my heart I have done the right thing. The Lord will answer my prayers in His perfect way and in His perfect time, I've just got to keep my eyes focused on Him and try not to let stumbling blocks hinder my walk. I'm telling you reading the Bible is the only way to keep your path straight, because there are so many things which can have you confused if you do not know God's word and the plans that He has for your life.

Thank you Jesus for your revelations, your wisdom and your mercy. Hallelujah! Amen!

Those in need

Source

My sister and I have made a decision to do more to help others in need WITHOUT giving it a second thought. As Christians The Bible explicitly says that we are to love our neighbours as ourselves. It's the second most important commandment, after loving God with all your heart and soul. So if we are to love our neighbours as ourselves that means we must give of ourselves to those in need and yes I'm talking about the homeless, the drug addicts, the prostitutes and of course our families and friends. Giving doesn't just have to mean money, but time, resources, skills, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, food, clothes, whatever it is that you have to offer.

My sister told me that nearly every day on her way to work she sees a homeless man, asking for money and food and her heart has been telling her to reach out to him. For many of us our first instinct is to keep a wide berth, because who knows; they could be high on drugs, or mentally unstable or ready to lash out at someone, but we've now come to the conclusion, especially as the days grow colder, that we can no longer walk by and turn a blind eye to the blatant need that surrounds us each and every day. Yes, sometimes people are to blame for their own demise, but very often they are not. In any case who are we to judge? If we were without a roof over our heads or in desperate need wouldn't we want someone, anyone to reach out to us? Of course we would.

After watching numerous sermons by the amazingly spirit filled Man of God Francis Chan (seriously he is radical and completely on fire for Jesus), my sister and I feel strongly that God is leading us to reach out to those in need, and even if He wasn't this is something we should all be doing anyway. We are going through our wardrobes and our parents wardrobes to gather all the clothes and shoes that are no longer required, especially coats and winter boots, and we're going to start giving to people we see in need in our local community. These items do nothing but lie around, not being worn and taking up unnecessary space, so why not give to those who need it most? Come on, it is FREEZING out there. I feel cold in my home sometimes, so I can't even begin to imagine what it is like being on the streets at this time of year. We must all do MORE!!

Why don't you have a look around in your own home and see if there are any items you could give to someone who needs it more than you? 

Be a blessing to someone in need. You won't regret it.


"Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed."
Proverbs 19:17

"Do not neglect to do good and share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God."
Hebrews 13:16

The story so far......

Image from God Quotes on Instagram

Soooooooooooooo things have gone a bit quiet around these parts haven't they? Lets's rectify that.

The past few weeks have been very reflective for me. As previously mentioned things that I wanted to happen imminently like GET MARRIED, seemed to stall and I couldn't understand why. We have found a beautiful, reasonably priced venue, I won our invites, I bought a dress, but then OH started talking about using what money we have to buy a house which makes sense, but really? How much longer are we going to wait to get wed? I began to question why these things were happening - Doesn't God want me to rectify my situation? Doesn't God want me to get married to the father of my children? If so then why were all these little barriers being put in the way?

I was beginning to get frustrated because here I was breaking my neck, to buy this and buy that and plan this and plan that, but when I stepped back I realised that it was me doing all the work, I wasn't taking time to properly sit and listen to God's direction and guidance. I was too busy trying to do everything in my power to get out of the sinful situation I had found myself in. But it is not for me to do, it is for the Lord to do. Now I have come to realise that I must rest in Him COMPLETELY. I relinquish all control of my situation and I am waiting patiently for His revelations and promptings. His timing is perfect and He knows best. While I am waiting, I will praise Him and worship Him, pray and read the Bible, so I can draw nearer to Him and stand confidently on His promises. In other words I'm building up my faith muscles. Lol. Yes Lord!

I think what it boils down to was that I was beginning to feel embarrassed about calling myself a Christian when my situation (unmarried mother of three) made me feel like a fraud, but then God revealed to me that He doesn't call us to be perfect, because it is through our imperfections and our weaknesses that His greatest miracles can be achieved. It doesn't matter where we are in our lives or what we have done in our past, if we put all our faith and trust in Him, He will restore us, lead us on the right path and deliver us to victory. The God I serve is an awesome God y'all.

This Bible verse sums it all up beautifully...

'...My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness.'

2 Corinthians 12:9

Crossroads and confessions

Since becoming renewed in my faith a few weeks ago. It has been made painfully obvious to me there is an area in my personal arrangement which needs to be reconciled before I can move on in confidence with my life as a Christian.

You see, I am not married to the father of my three children. We live together as man and wife and we do everything that a man and wife do (well we haven't been doing 'that' since I've begun to grow more spiritually). But anyway, my thing is this. I want to be married much sooner rather than later.

I have begun to see things a whole lot clearer now and really, what on Earth are we actually waiting for? We have three children and nearly eight years of togetherness under our belt. The money situation or lack of, (where a wedding is concerned) always has and always will be there. I am convinced it will only be an issue if we allow it to be.

If I had my way we'd be married tomorrow, just us two and our kids, but the OH is not so sure. He believes in God and is also a Christian but he is not where I am on his Christian journey. He thinks I'm only rushing things because of my renewed faith and no longer wanting to live in sin. He would be right, but I really don't see the problem. We have been planning to get married anyway right? Maybe it goes deeper still....

If I'm really honest it's the whole sex, I mean intimacy thing that bothers me the most. In the Bible fornication is not pleasing to God (1Cor 6:18-20). I have always known this in a roundabout way, but never seemed to think it applied to me. Huh? I was never truly conscious of it, I think is what I'm trying to say.

As I begin to read more and more of the Bible I wonder why I never used to take this more seriously before now. What have I been doing all this time? I know I was embarrassed about my situation especially after baby number two and three came along and we still weren't married, but I just pushed it all to the back of my mind. I hid from it. Before I was more into pleasing myself. Now I understand the brevity of life on this Earth and I want with all my heart to spend my remaining years pleasing God. I know there will be trials and tribulations along the way, but His divine grace and glory will carry me through each and every hurdle, just like it always has.

Going back to the intimacy stuff, I am happy to wait until we are married to resume our sex life but I think OH will struggle (or maybe it's me who is already struggling) hence why I want to speed up our nuptials. I guess I want to do this more for him and his 'manly needs' than for me (for the record he's been less persistent than before - God is working) but we are human and he is a man and temptation is sure to come our way at some point. I mean after eight years and three kids there's been a substantial amount of love making that has gone on. To have it stop, just like that is a real test.

All in all this is not something I plan on worrying about I just wanted to put it out there. I know God has a plan for all of us and He will bring me through this crossroad in my life. All I have to do is pray with faith and belief and he will do the rest.

Coping

Being a mum of three children is not easy. If we're honest being a human being in this World isn't easy. My journey to motherhood was a rocky one. I suffered multiple miscarriages before discovering I have a Balanced chromosome translocation. A condition which means my propensity for recurring miscarriages was and is 1 in 4. I suffered four traumatic miscarriages before going on to have three healthy babies in quick session. Never did I think this would be possible.


My complicated pregnancy history meant I had to have CVS procedures for each of my three successful pregnancies. These were carried out at Kings College Hospital London, an excellent specialist hospital which helped me through the whole of my pregnancy journey good and bad.


The reason I reminisce on all of this is because despite the harrowing road I have travelled to get my three children I still have moments when I'm so stressed out with motherhood, my relationship with my OH, family members, people, the world, my life. I have days when I wallow in self pity, and I feel completely ungrateful, especially for not embracing this beautiful gift that is motherhood. My goodness there were days I would cry and worry and resign myself to the fact that I would never have a child of my own.


There were moments I would long for just one baby, and here I am blessed with three and wallowing in the stress of it all. Wasting days feeling sorry for myself when I should be rejoicing EVERYDAY for the miracles that have been bestowed upon me.

I lost an ovary during my third unsuccessful pregnancy. The pregnancy in which I lost a little boy at 20 weeks. At that point I thought I was doomed. Could things get any worse? How on earth could I ever possibly have a baby when I had a genetic condition and only one ovary? But it is not for me to know how, because through God Almighty ALL things are POSSIBLE. I am testament to that.


No matter what you have been through or what you are going through, no matter how low you are, He can make a change. When I lost my baby I wanted to die, not to kill myself, but be free of the horrific emptiness that consumed me. I would look at the beautiful clouds above and long to be reunited with my son. I was 25 years old and in a terrible relationship that was about to end, I lost my baby and nearly lost all hope. Never in my life had I been so low. How did I get from that dark place, to where I am now? Three children who have a loving father and me a fiancé? Only by God's Grace.


I am writing this post because I am seeing things more clearly than I have for a long time. A few weeks ago I was in quite a tough place. I was feeling unsettled and dissatisfied with my lot, and then I had a life changing experience whilst at a church conference (something I will have to go into more detail in a future post). It has rejuvenated my passion for my faith.


Before this, I was slipping into a place I didn't belong. I was drifting away from Christ and getting complacent. I even found myself liking alcohol a little too much. It went from being something I'd enjoy in the evening every now and again with the OH, to something I was looking forward to whilst on my own. Not to get wasted, (those days are long gone) but to take the edge off the frustration and irritation I seemed to constantly feel. I wrongly believed my children to be the cause, but it was me and my inability to realise my blessings, give thanks for what I DO HAVE rather that what I DO NOT. I was not putting God and his Word first, my faith had waned and I was getting caught up with ego, pride and feelings of self pity. Well not any more. My eyes have been opened. I want to follow His Word and take my Christian life seriously. I am reading my Bible and I am praying for God to show me the purpose He has for my life. The Christian path is not an easy road and I am not perfect, but if I keep my eyes on Him and follow His word, the Holy Spirit will do the rest.


I think I'm going to stop there now. There is so much more I want to say, yet there is still so much more I must learn first. Here is a scripture I read over the weekend whilst having some quiet time. Just me and my Bible, I think it sums up where I am at right now.

But without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him.
Hebrews 11;6

I want to be married (I think)

More and more of late I've had a yearning to be married, like right now. I don't know if it's the romantic deep within fighting to get out or the sheer embarrassment and shame (we are christians) of having three children out of wedlock or maybe it's the fact that I'm rapidly approaching 33, but either way I feel the need to be a Mrs. The thing is I'm not sure how we get there anymore.

I read this great post on the London Bride blog recently. It was about long engagements and it got me thinking about the situation the other half and I have found ourselves in.

My fiancé proposed in glorious style along the river near Tower Bridge in early 2008. It is now 2012 and nothing is planned, booked, mentioned or talked about. It can't help that he runs his own business and I'm looking after our three children, so between the two of us we are usually too exhausted or too sidetracked to talk about us and this marriage/wedding malarkey.

I must admit I do get cold feet every now and then, when I'm having to constantly remind him to give me money for the bills or repeatedly having to pick his crap things off the bathroom, bedroom, living room floor. Then there's our different approaches to money. I'm pretty good because I'm organised. Him not so much. I often wonder if the issue of credit ratings and such like will impact me negatively when we get married, but that's not the way I should be going into it surely?

Compared to hideous exes, my fiancé's short comings are insignificant. And after all nobody is perfect and it's all about compromise. I know there are a lot of things about me he probably grins and bears (heck he probably doesn't even want to get married anymore but hasn't got around to telling me yet - *shudders*) so it all evens out I suppose.


The fact of the matter is, he is most definitely THE ONE and I want to be his wife but money is tight, (we've moved back to our one bedroom flat to save money for goodness sake so how can we possibly afford a wedding??). We both come from big families so nothing is ever going to be small and discreet. Maybe I'm just creating barriers and we should just go ahead and do what we can afford (zilch) and please ourselves rather than everybody else.



I think this could well be my dress of choice.
*rubs hands together excitedly*
Looks pricey though.



I swore to myself 2013 would be the year we became husband and wife. This extended , drawn out engagement stuff has gone on long enough. This wedding has to happen doesn't it? Even my little sis who isn't even in a relationship right now has more of an idea of what her wedding will look like than I do.



I've got to get this thing moving....

....right that's it, we will have 'the talk' tonight and a date will be set.



Keep me in your thoughts.