Hanging in there....

First we were supposed to be getting married on May 11 2013, then March 23 2013, then April 12 2013 (this date is no longer happening either *sigh* *scream* - long story)....now it's quite clear to me that I don't know precisely WHEN I will be getting married. All I do know is that IT WILL happen THIS YEAR!! (I've bought virtually everything I need, so there most definitely has to be a purpose, I have faith that God wouldn't have me doing all this work for nothing). The past few weeks have been tough. Feelings of doubt, discouragement and weariness have plagued me, but I am NOT GIVING UP. God gave me a promise and He keeps His word. Delay doesn't mean denial, so I'm pressing on and refusing to be moved by what I see. Hallelujah Jesus!!

My next step now is to be patient and rest. I've done all I can do, so I must trust in God's timing as He works everything out for my good. Romans 8:28. Not easy, but very necessary.

So guys there will be no talk of marriage around these parts until the venue is booked and the invites have gone out. I think I'll drive myself and all of you stir crazy otherwise. I'm hanging on and keeping the faith, already I can feel God working things out in the situation, so it's onwards and upwards as I keep rejoicing His holy name. Thank you Jesus!!

Crossroads and confessions

Since becoming renewed in my faith a few weeks ago. It has been made painfully obvious to me there is an area in my personal arrangement which needs to be reconciled before I can move on in confidence with my life as a Christian.

You see, I am not married to the father of my three children. We live together as man and wife and we do everything that a man and wife do (well we haven't been doing 'that' since I've begun to grow more spiritually). But anyway, my thing is this. I want to be married much sooner rather than later.

I have begun to see things a whole lot clearer now and really, what on Earth are we actually waiting for? We have three children and nearly eight years of togetherness under our belt. The money situation or lack of, (where a wedding is concerned) always has and always will be there. I am convinced it will only be an issue if we allow it to be.

If I had my way we'd be married tomorrow, just us two and our kids, but the OH is not so sure. He believes in God and is also a Christian but he is not where I am on his Christian journey. He thinks I'm only rushing things because of my renewed faith and no longer wanting to live in sin. He would be right, but I really don't see the problem. We have been planning to get married anyway right? Maybe it goes deeper still....

If I'm really honest it's the whole sex, I mean intimacy thing that bothers me the most. In the Bible fornication is not pleasing to God (1Cor 6:18-20). I have always known this in a roundabout way, but never seemed to think it applied to me. Huh? I was never truly conscious of it, I think is what I'm trying to say.

As I begin to read more and more of the Bible I wonder why I never used to take this more seriously before now. What have I been doing all this time? I know I was embarrassed about my situation especially after baby number two and three came along and we still weren't married, but I just pushed it all to the back of my mind. I hid from it. Before I was more into pleasing myself. Now I understand the brevity of life on this Earth and I want with all my heart to spend my remaining years pleasing God. I know there will be trials and tribulations along the way, but His divine grace and glory will carry me through each and every hurdle, just like it always has.

Going back to the intimacy stuff, I am happy to wait until we are married to resume our sex life but I think OH will struggle (or maybe it's me who is already struggling) hence why I want to speed up our nuptials. I guess I want to do this more for him and his 'manly needs' than for me (for the record he's been less persistent than before - God is working) but we are human and he is a man and temptation is sure to come our way at some point. I mean after eight years and three kids there's been a substantial amount of love making that has gone on. To have it stop, just like that is a real test.

All in all this is not something I plan on worrying about I just wanted to put it out there. I know God has a plan for all of us and He will bring me through this crossroad in my life. All I have to do is pray with faith and belief and he will do the rest.