Pre-school girl

So happy!

This little girl has been patiently counting down the weeks, days and hours until she starts pre-school. Her big sister started reception three weeks before and in those early days she was not a happy bunny. She missed her big sister terribly, so much so she couldn't even bring herself to kiss and hug her goodbye as we dropped her off to school each morning.

As her own start date began to draw closer, I noticed a change in her attitude. She became happier and she even started walking her big sis to the school doors, giving her a big hug as she bid her farewell for the day.

Today it was her turn. Finally. She could hardly contain herself, my youngest daughter is transforming in front of my very eyes and there's nothing that can stop it. Every morning I'll be dropping off both girls now and it'll just be me and little brother for a few hours, until I pick little sis up.

They really don't stay little for long *weeps silently inside*

My big girls.

Thriving

source

My eldest daughter starting school and my younger daughter about to start pre-school has really given me the kick start that I needed.

When all three children were at home with me 24/7, mornings were lazy, (well as lazy as a morning can be with three demanding children in tow). If we weren't going to the library for story time or food shopping or to the park, the days would just unfold into a muddled blur of what would often feel like domestic nothingness.

Now with school starting, each day has a purpose as I wave my daughter (soon to be daughters) off for her daily dose of education. Every morning I'm up by 6.30/7am. 7.30 the latest (if I'm feeling pooped). Despite the early starts, which as a mum I'm more than used to, it feels so good to know that I have a set routine for each day. It's funny because when my children were babies the idea of a routine would give me the heebie jeebies. I was never one of those Mum's who strived to get their baby fed and asleep at certain times, not that there is anything wrong with those methods. I just didn't like the idea of being locked into a cycle of set times and procedures that I would struggle to enforce, especially since all three of my babies were pretty poor sleepers until they were at least a year old.

The realisation I am making is that where before I abhorred rigidity and structure, I am now finding that as my children grow older I am thriving on these very things. I couldn't feel anymore excited and motivated right now. I can't explain it but I definitely believe it's a combination of my faith in the Almighty and the feeling that as when one chapter closes another opens. Of course I still have my daily struggles, but I am pressing on and focusing on all that is lovely.

My children are becoming more independent and in turn more of my own independence is being given back to me. Oh how wonderful life is!

Mummy's little helpers

My daughters made me really proud yesterday evening. I'm a proud mother whatever they do (within reason, of course), but yesterday they really excelled themselves.


There I was doing my usual thing of cajoling them into picking their toys off of the floor, so I could get on with the hoovering, but I needn't have tried so hard. 


My nagging for help often falls on deaf ears and for an easy life I end up picking the bits up myself, but on this occasion after a few desperate pleas, they not only set about picking things up, but they even began folding clothes, plumping cushions, pairing up shoes and lining them up in the hallway.

After I'd finished hoovering I sat down for a breather, but they weren't stopping. They wrapped up the hoover wire and pushed it away into the cupboard, which is more than I often manage. I'm starting to realise the return on my investment with these kids. Lol.

Well done to my beautiful mini helpers. More of the same please.

Nothing for you to worry about Mummy..

My daughters were playing when I heard one of them say to the other (I had my head buried in the laptop, so I couldn't work out who. Tut, tut) 


'....so and so doesn't like me.'


My ears pricked up and I asked 'Who doesn't like you?'


They responded in unison 'We're only playing pretend. Nothing for you to worry about Mummy.'


Oh. Well that's OK then.... 


Kids.

What's in a name?

Image from themeaningofnames.net

I've been debating whether to share this post because I was a bit down in the dumps when I wrote it. But I've come to the conclusion that it's good to share, and my dilemma may help others in a similar situation ....possibly. Anyway....

I'm still peeved that the other half completely vetoed my name choice for our son. Ever since I was pregnant with our first child I have loved the name Luca. So when I finally scraped my jaw off the floor after finding out I was pregnant for a third time and discovering it was a boy after two girls, Luca was the name I had my heart set on.

During the course of the pregnancy we felt we should probably go with a more biblical name, not least because this little boy is a blessing, of course our two girls are without question blessings too. But with my complicated pregnancy history I never thought we'd have a son.

So we changed our minds and chose a beautiful, strong biblical first name and I wanted Luca to be his middle name;

'We're not Italian' my other half scoffed. 'It's got no meaning' were the rebuttals ... 'Whatever' I'd immaturely respond.

Fast forward a few months and when we went to register the birth of our son the better half wanted a Ghanaian middle name. Now that's fair enough because the better half is mixed race English and Ghanaian and our girls have got two middle names, one of them Ghanaian - representing the day of the month they were born, so we'd have the same for our son, no issue?

Well there was an issue he only wanted one middle name and it had to be Ghanaian. No Luca for me. Looking back I feel like I was completely bullied into the decision, especially since I'd only given birth a few weeks before and my hormones were still all over the place so I didn't have the strength to argue my corner as I usually would.

Now here I am yearning for Luca , but what's in a name? Am I being silly? We have a beautiful healthy boy but this issue still keeps playing on my mind at unexpected intervals making me feel annoyed and sad. Mainly because I felt so powerless at the time.

Have you ever experienced being railroaded into something when you're at your most vulnerable only to regret it later?

Sshhh

Image from connortomas.com 

I have a confession. I'm not proud about it but I am the type of mum who Sshhh's her children quite a lot. 

It's not that I don't like them to play and make noise, it's just that there is only so much screaming, shouting, singing and banging I can handle before I start to feel like I am losing my mind. I often try to nip noise making in the bud because all too often it goes from happy and playful to crying and squabbling. It can be highly frustrating. 

I am finding that when we go out people seem to fall into two camps. Those that look on with disdain if your children are being loud, tantruming and generally running amok and those who embrace it as just kids being kids. I had an experience of the latter yesterday.

I was out with the children and my soon to be mum in law. We visited a lovely little church tea room and sat down for tea and cupcakes. When we arrived it was empty but slowly it began to fill with lovely old aged pensioners, no doubt meeting up to enjoy a quiet cuppa and a natter. It was at this moment my baby decides to practice his babbling skills. "Baba dada dada mama", he garbled at the top of his voice. Quickly my daughters joined in, adding a extra layer of volume to the ever increasing din.

"Ssshhh, sssh, sssh" I hissed, worried what the room of people mostly in their 80's must have been thinking. Then out of nowhere an elderly lady stopped me in my tracks and set about telling me; "Leave them, their singing". "They've got voices, let them sing" she turned to the children "Go on use your voices." 

I felt ashamed, because what the lovely old lady said was true. They really weren't doing any harm and kids will be kids.I think there is a fine line between letting your children express themselves and letting them run wild, but sometimes I think I am forever trying to keep my children in line because I don't want anyone else to do it for me. I don't want anyone to think badly of my children or their dad and I so I try to raise them to be mindful of others and be well behaved in public. Maybe I've been taking it a bit too far and need to relax a little, after all they don't stay small for long and if a couple of 80 year olds can put up with a bit of a din then I'm sure I can. 

Have you learnt anything about yourself lately through someone else's actions?

A shaky start

Image from www.cahiley.com 

February is rapidly coming to an end and so I thought I’d give a little update on my 2012 goals. I think it’s therapeutic to review my accomplishments so far and see where needs more work. If the truth be known it's all been a bit shaky, but all is not yet lost.

1) Eating healthily & more exercise - This has been an epic fail. If anything I'm eating more junk and doing less exercise. Very disheartening. I hate to give excuses but I'm so tired all of the time, I'm just eating whatever is quick and to hand. I must try harder to make healthier food choices. I need to get to grips with this. It is currently a joke!

2) Get son christened - Booking the date in the next few days.

3) Swimming lessons for my children - This is proving to be more difficult than expected. My local leisure centre is booked up for the next six months. I could book lessons for my baby boy and middle daughter, as there is availability for their age groups but I can't leave my eldest out. Plus I need to coordinate diaries with my sister and mother in law because each child needs to be accompanied by an adult. I'm disappointed that the process hasn't been as straightforward as I'd hoped but those lessons will get booked by hook or by crook. Alternatively we may ditch the lessons and just take them for a fun splash about each week instead, at least then they'll get used to the pool, they love water anyway - simples.

4) Organise finances - Now I'm a person who loves to save and although the better half isn't a big spender, we have different approaches when it comes to money. I'm working hard to get us both on the same page so we can start putting a decent lump sum away each month. Hoping to get this properly established sharpish.

5) Establish a way to make money from home -  That is still very much a work in progress. I’m taking each day at a time.

6) Do more fun/silly things with my children - I must admit I'm struggling with this one. I can be goofy with my kids from time to time, but daily is tough. I'm a bit of a control freak I'm ashamed to admit, and I find that once I get my kids hyped up with silly play it's tough to get them back on an even keel. It usually ends with constant threats of having to sit on the naughty step because of their failure to calm down. *sigh*

7) Spend more time with family and friends – This is improving but still a work in progress. I've got some play dates booked and want to visit my grandmother next week. The kids would love to see their beloved Nanna. Me too.

8) A family holiday to Barbados - I need to get my son’s passport sorted. I fear this may be a bit of a pipe dream, but I am determined to try and go on some sort of vacation abroad before my eldest starts school and holidays are forever dictated by term times.

9) Work out how to credit photos properly on blogger -  The lovely Maria at Cheeky Pink Tulip helped me with this. I was using the old blogger interface hence the issues. All sorted now. Thanks Maria!!

10) Build my blog and meet more inspirational people through the world of blogging - Slowly but surely I’m getting there I'm meeting lots of great people and I’m loving it.

So that’s my update, still lots to improve on but lots of time still. How are you getting on with your goals for 2012?

My journey to natural hair

Image from MadameNoir.com

My last relaxer was on Saturday 22 January 2011. I didn't know it then but that was the beginning of my journey back to natural hair.

I got my first relaxer when I was 14. My younger sister and I had pestered our mother for what seemed like a lifetime. We were fed up of our frizzy, fluffy hair that didn't move and wouldn't sit down the way we wanted it to. Growing up in a predominantly white area there were no other young black girls we could relate to and it was the mid nineties when the likes of AAliyah (God rest her soul), with her gorgeous, side swept, long hair was the image ideal. Well she was mine. 

After my first relaxer I was amazed at how silky and long my hair was. I was a bit disappointed at how limp it looked, and the burns on my scalp but that was OK, I could deal with that. I had no more fuzz.

17 years of relaxers every six  to 12 weeks ensued,along with the no scratching the night before, the inevitable scratching because the relaxer was due and the subsequent burns and scabs as a result. When I look back I'm extremely sad that I put my scalp through so much trauma time and time again. I wasted so many hours, days and weeks, sitting in hairdressing salons wasting my whole Saturday, wasting my money on sub-standard services. Every time I went to a different salon they would have something completely different to tell me about my hair and what products to use; not too much oil because your hair is fine, no products with water, because it will dry your hair out, no this, no that and blah, blah, blah..

All of this information felt so invaluable at the time, but the day after a re-touch, my hair would be wrecked if I didn't wrap it properly or tie it up at night and despite all the recommended products I brought, my scalp would still flake like crazy, my ends would turn an awful, over processed shade of brown, and don't even get me started on the recommendations to dye my hair jet black to hide the off brown tinge. My scalp would be stained midnight blue for weeks. Not a good look. It was frustrating and annoying. How could you spend so much for the outcome to be so mediocre? It seemed the more I got my hair done, the worst it would be.

After each of my pregnancies my hair would shed like mad and I would be left with two bald patches on each side of my hair line. The only thing I could do was to cut it all off and start again, rocking a cute Halle Berry signature crop. This would be great, until the style started to grow out and I would have to relax more often due to rapid growth when it was short. As a result my hair would revert back to the over processed mess it once was. It was a vicious circle.

Now I am deep into my transition to natural hair and it began for a number of reasons.

As well as the points mentioned,  I simply became disillusioned with relaxed hair. I was fed up of spending the money, I had a third child on the way and I couldn’t justify the expense any longer. My hair was unhealthy and never looked or felt great. Plus my sister had begun transitioning six months prior and I was surprised at how kinky and curly and pretty her natural hair was. I had relaxed my hair for so longer I forgot what natural hair was like and that was despite having two daughters with afro hair. It was a joke. I had been blinkered for far too long.

So that was it. My mind was made up. At that point I hadn't put chemicals in my hair for 4 months anyway and my roots were manageable so I just continued to grow out the relaxer and it has been easier than I thought. I was so worried that I would have to deal with a matted, dry, frizz ball. (There have been times when it has looked like an afro, fuzz ball but I'm learning how to moisturise and detangle). How would I manage my natural hair in the work place? Would it be time consuming to style? Would it  look professional? Would I have the patience? I needn't have worried, everything has gone better than expected. There is still a lot to learn and improve upon, but I love my natural hair and its waves and kinks, it's so versatile I love it. Yes that's right I love it.

I feel free and empowered and unique.

At my work Christmas party I was even complimented for my cute little pin-rolled updo, something I would never have imagined. I wish I had embarked on the natural hair journey sooner, but now I'm here there is no way I'll ever turn back. 

(Unfortunately I don't have any good pictures of my natural hair at the moment. A new baby and no decent camera has been some of the reason. Now I have a lovely iPhone that will all change, so look out for pics of me rocking my natural hair in all its glory in future posts).