There's something I have to tell you...

...The Mr and I are getting married.....NEXT MONTH!! Can I get a Hallelujah and an Amen? God is so good. I'm probably being a little hasty, but I can't hold it in any longer. There's so much I have to tell you all and so much I have to do. I'm a massive ball of nervous energy aka STRESS and excitement. I'm keeping this post short and sweet but promise to keep you all in the loop.....watch this space.

The story so far......

Image from God Quotes on Instagram

Soooooooooooooo things have gone a bit quiet around these parts haven't they? Lets's rectify that.

The past few weeks have been very reflective for me. As previously mentioned things that I wanted to happen imminently like GET MARRIED, seemed to stall and I couldn't understand why. We have found a beautiful, reasonably priced venue, I won our invites, I bought a dress, but then OH started talking about using what money we have to buy a house which makes sense, but really? How much longer are we going to wait to get wed? I began to question why these things were happening - Doesn't God want me to rectify my situation? Doesn't God want me to get married to the father of my children? If so then why were all these little barriers being put in the way?

I was beginning to get frustrated because here I was breaking my neck, to buy this and buy that and plan this and plan that, but when I stepped back I realised that it was me doing all the work, I wasn't taking time to properly sit and listen to God's direction and guidance. I was too busy trying to do everything in my power to get out of the sinful situation I had found myself in. But it is not for me to do, it is for the Lord to do. Now I have come to realise that I must rest in Him COMPLETELY. I relinquish all control of my situation and I am waiting patiently for His revelations and promptings. His timing is perfect and He knows best. While I am waiting, I will praise Him and worship Him, pray and read the Bible, so I can draw nearer to Him and stand confidently on His promises. In other words I'm building up my faith muscles. Lol. Yes Lord!

I think what it boils down to was that I was beginning to feel embarrassed about calling myself a Christian when my situation (unmarried mother of three) made me feel like a fraud, but then God revealed to me that He doesn't call us to be perfect, because it is through our imperfections and our weaknesses that His greatest miracles can be achieved. It doesn't matter where we are in our lives or what we have done in our past, if we put all our faith and trust in Him, He will restore us, lead us on the right path and deliver us to victory. The God I serve is an awesome God y'all.

This Bible verse sums it all up beautifully...

'...My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness.'

2 Corinthians 12:9

Another year, another birthday

Source

It's my 33rd birthday on Sunday. I do not know where the time is going. 


This time last year we were living in Leeds, I was 34 weeks pregnant and one day away from beginning maternity leave.


Now we are back in London, My little man is nearly 11 months. He is walking, babbling and so completely adorable. The other half and I are getting married next year. My eldest starts school in September, my second daughter will hopefully start pre-school too, so that will give me more time to do more of what I want to do.


I must confess at 33 I thought I'd be more ahead of the game in terms of owning a house instead of a flat, earning stacks of money and generally being more comfortably off, but I can no way grumble about where I am at AT ALL.


God has blessed me with three, beautiful, healthy children, when I thought I would have none. I have a wonderful fiancé, who although has plenty of annoying habits, is the love of my life. And by this time next year I'm certain to be or just about to be a 'Mrs'. I was made redundant at the beginning of the year and although worrying at times, this has been a blessing in disguise because I am able to be with my children whilst juggling things I love, such as my blog, meeting up with friends and family, starting some kind of keep fit class (must find one and enrol immediately) etc, etc, etc.


On my birthday last year the fiance and I went to Carluccio's in the Trafford Centre for lunch. The food was amazing, so I think we'll book a table in a London branch this weekend. Plus I'll be having a meal out with the family too.


When I sit down and think about it the world really is my oyster, I can do whatever I choose if I put my mind to it. Sometimes this can feel impossible, but as long as I put my faith in the most high whilst remaining focused and organised great things can and will be achieved.

I want to be married (I think)

More and more of late I've had a yearning to be married, like right now. I don't know if it's the romantic deep within fighting to get out or the sheer embarrassment and shame (we are christians) of having three children out of wedlock or maybe it's the fact that I'm rapidly approaching 33, but either way I feel the need to be a Mrs. The thing is I'm not sure how we get there anymore.

I read this great post on the London Bride blog recently. It was about long engagements and it got me thinking about the situation the other half and I have found ourselves in.

My fiancé proposed in glorious style along the river near Tower Bridge in early 2008. It is now 2012 and nothing is planned, booked, mentioned or talked about. It can't help that he runs his own business and I'm looking after our three children, so between the two of us we are usually too exhausted or too sidetracked to talk about us and this marriage/wedding malarkey.

I must admit I do get cold feet every now and then, when I'm having to constantly remind him to give me money for the bills or repeatedly having to pick his crap things off the bathroom, bedroom, living room floor. Then there's our different approaches to money. I'm pretty good because I'm organised. Him not so much. I often wonder if the issue of credit ratings and such like will impact me negatively when we get married, but that's not the way I should be going into it surely?

Compared to hideous exes, my fiancé's short comings are insignificant. And after all nobody is perfect and it's all about compromise. I know there are a lot of things about me he probably grins and bears (heck he probably doesn't even want to get married anymore but hasn't got around to telling me yet - *shudders*) so it all evens out I suppose.


The fact of the matter is, he is most definitely THE ONE and I want to be his wife but money is tight, (we've moved back to our one bedroom flat to save money for goodness sake so how can we possibly afford a wedding??). We both come from big families so nothing is ever going to be small and discreet. Maybe I'm just creating barriers and we should just go ahead and do what we can afford (zilch) and please ourselves rather than everybody else.



I think this could well be my dress of choice.
*rubs hands together excitedly*
Looks pricey though.



I swore to myself 2013 would be the year we became husband and wife. This extended , drawn out engagement stuff has gone on long enough. This wedding has to happen doesn't it? Even my little sis who isn't even in a relationship right now has more of an idea of what her wedding will look like than I do.



I've got to get this thing moving....

....right that's it, we will have 'the talk' tonight and a date will be set.



Keep me in your thoughts.

Otherwise engaged

I love these rings, especially the fingerprints
on the inside. I know what we'll be getting.

The better half and I have been engaged for four years. Come to think of it, it's four years to the day today. O.M.Goodness!

I really thought we would be married by now, I definitely did not think we would have THREE children and not be married.

The better half proposed in glorious style a few weeks after our eldest daughter was born and  I vowed there would be no more children until we had made our union official. What is that saying about best laid plans?

Just before I found out I was pregnant with our third child I had it planned (hypothetically) that we would go to Barbados and have a simple wedding in paradise. How amazing would that have been? An amazing holiday with the girls and a wedding all wrapped into one.

Now we are in a situation where all of our money goes on the children and providing the best life possible for them. There is absolutely no money in the pot for a wedding.

Many have suggested to do something small, get family to make and bring food. The thing is we both come from very big families and I don't see how either of these suggestions could work. Admittedly I was never one of those girls who dreamt of the fairy tale wedding to her prince charming. I never had visions of the dress and the cake from the age of seven, so I'm not precious and I don't have high expectations but I would like the experience to be romantic and memorable for all the right reasons. 

Now my new target is for us to be married by 2013 the absolute latest. I'm getting concerned that the longer we leave it, the more we'll feel like just not bothering. I sense that the better half has lost complete interest in the idea, it's never a topic of conversation, it just exists silently until our daughter sees a bridal magazine or hears the mention of a wedding and asks when mummy and daddy will be getting married.

The honest answer is I don't know, our lives are so crammed with other stuff that we'll just carry on as things are. That is until 2013.......