God wants me to blog

During my frustrated moments this past few weeks, I began to wonder if I should quit blogging. I didn't see the point, or maybe I felt that I was talking too much, or getting too personal, or whatever, whatever, whatever. Well as you know I've been missing in action for a bit on the blog front, and my sisters were asking me what was happening, and why I wasn't posting as much.

To be honest I really didn't have much to say and I was feeling a bit fed up with everything, but then the last few posts I wrote have had some of the highest viewing figures in RECORD time. Now it could very well be an anomaly, or one of those google glitch things, I don't know, but I think it's way too much of a coincidence for this not to be God's doing. You know, His way of showing me a sign.

Come on, think about it, I'm down in the dumps, contemplating quitting blogging, then I get prompted to write some posts and those very posts have over 600 and 2000 views respectively in a matter of days. I don't care what anyone says, that is INDEED a sign from God. He wants me to keep blogging people and what He says goes, so looks like I'm here to stay guys.

For now anyway........ : )

Adapting

Image from thedoublethink.com

Since being made redundant nearly two months ago, I'm starting to adapt to life as a stay at home mum. If I am honest the prospect is still scaring the living daylights out of me.

It's not that I don't want to be at home with my children, because I do. What I worry about  is my increasing lack of identity and the financial implications.

I've worked since I was 16 - part time jobs when I was in the sixth form and university, then full time once I graduated. For 16 years I've earned my own money and paid my own way, so not having a salary going into my account at the end of every month is giving me the jitters.

I had an OK redundancy package and I know how to spend and save in equal measure so that helps a lot. But I can't help feeling stressed that I will have to depend on my fiance for all things money orientated. I know our current situation will not last for ever, but it's still hard to adjust to all the same.

When I am asked what my occupation is, the reply leaves me feeling flat - 'unemployed, stay at home mum'. The look on the face of the person who has asked  always seems to be that of complete nonchalance. They really couldn't care less about this all consuming job I am undertaking.

I've been so used to responding with the words; 'Account manager, Advertising Manager, Marketing Executive' over the years, I used to feel a sense of pride when sharing these titles, even though the work was less than desirable at times. Now here I am doing the most important job in the world ever, and I am embarrassed by the title associated.

What is going on?

I know how I'm feeling is everything to do with me and nothing to do with anyone else, but I can't help but think that society places very little importance or value on stay at home parents and I often feel reluctant to declare that this is who I am right now. These days I am trying my hardest to dip my toes into as many different little projects as possible, to give myself a variety of things to focus on and keep my brain stimulated.

Starting this blog has been one of the best things I have done. The possibilities are endless and the fact that I am able to pour my thoughts, be as creative as I want and meet fabulous people all at the same time, is the icing on the cake. It is exactly what I have been looking for, for so long. Cyber space rocks!

So onwards and upwards I suppose. I'm sure that in time I'll find a way to earn a living and look after my children. Already there are so many little things in the pipeline that leave me thoroughly excited just thinking about them.

And of course there are my three wonderful little bubba's who make each and every day worthwhile. I'm so blessed to be a mother, but it's sad that I sometimes take for granted how privileged I am to be able to be at home with my little ones in their formative years.

Note to self - I must be more thankful for what I have and not stress about what I have not...

What things are you adapting to lately?