About Me

My photo

Hello there, thanks for visiting my blog. So, a bit about me; I'm Natalie and I am a Christian, committed to living by God's Word each and every day. I am a proud mother to three beautiful children and creator of The Accidental Mogul - a blog designed to channel my ambitious juices and unleash the writer within! This blog is a reflection of me, so it contains a little bit of everything. I’ll be documenting my walk with my saviour Jesus Christ, as well as my natural hair journey, I'll be writing thought provoking posts, product reviews, hosting giveaway's and of course offering up a generous dollop of everyday mummy musings. I like to hear uplifting and motivational stories, so I’ll be interviewing inspirational people when I can to encourage and inspire others. Sharing experiences is what makes life beautiful, so let's share.

Tuesday, 31 July 2012

Coping

Being a mum of three children is not easy. If we're honest being a human being in this World isn't easy. My journey to motherhood was a rocky one. I suffered multiple miscarriages before discovering I have a Balanced chromosome translocation. A condition which means my propensity for recurring miscarriages was and is 1 in 4. I suffered four traumatic miscarriages before going on to have three healthy babies in quick session. Never did I think this would be possible.


My complicated pregnancy history meant I had to have CVS procedures for each of my three successful pregnancies. These were carried out at Kings College Hospital London, an excellent specialist hospital which helped me through the whole of my pregnancy journey good and bad.


The reason I reminisce on all of this is because despite the harrowing road I have travelled to get my three children I still have moments when I'm so stressed out with motherhood, my relationship with my OH, family members, people, the world, my life. I have days when I wallow in self pity, and I feel completely ungrateful, especially for not embracing this beautiful gift that is motherhood. My goodness there were days I would cry and worry and resign myself to the fact that I would never have a child of my own.


There were moments I would long for just one baby, and here I am blessed with three and wallowing in the stress of it all. Wasting days feeling sorry for myself when I should be rejoicing EVERYDAY for the miracles that have been bestowed upon me.

I lost an ovary during my third unsuccessful pregnancy. The pregnancy in which I lost a little boy at 20 weeks. At that point I thought I was doomed. Could things get any worse? How on earth could I ever possibly have a baby when I had a genetic condition and only one ovary? But it is not for me to know how, because through God Almighty ALL things are POSSIBLE. I am testament to that.


No matter what you have been through or what you are going through, no matter how low you are, He can make a change. When I lost my baby I wanted to die, not to kill myself, but be free of the horrific emptiness that consumed me. I would look at the beautiful clouds above and long to be reunited with my son. I was 25 years old and in a terrible relationship that was about to end, I lost my baby and nearly lost all hope. Never in my life had I been so low. How did I get from that dark place, to where I am now? Three children who have a loving father and me a fiancé? Only by God's Grace.


I am writing this post because I am seeing things more clearly than I have for a long time. A few weeks ago I was in quite a tough place. I was feeling unsettled and dissatisfied with my lot, and then I had a life changing experience whilst at a church conference (something I will have to go into more detail in a future post). It has rejuvenated my passion for my faith.


Before this, I was slipping into a place I didn't belong. I was drifting away from Christ and getting complacent. I even found myself liking alcohol a little too much. It went from being something I'd enjoy in the evening every now and again with the OH, to something I was looking forward to whilst on my own. Not to get wasted, (those days are long gone) but to take the edge off the frustration and irritation I seemed to constantly feel. I wrongly believed my children to be the cause, but it was me and my inability to realise my blessings, give thanks for what I DO HAVE rather that what I DO NOT. I was not putting God and his Word first, my faith had waned and I was getting caught up with ego, pride and feelings of self pity. Well not any more. My eyes have been opened. I want to follow His Word and take my Christian life seriously. I am reading my Bible and I am praying for God to show me the purpose He has for my life. The Christian path is not an easy road and I am not perfect, but if I keep my eyes on Him and follow His word, the Holy Spirit will do the rest.


I think I'm going to stop there now. There is so much more I want to say, yet there is still so much more I must learn first. Here is a scripture I read over the weekend whilst having some quiet time. Just me and my Bible, I think it sums up where I am at right now.

But without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him.
Hebrews 11;6

8 comments:

FromFun ToMum said...

everyone has a coping mechanism, I'm happy to hear you found yours. Be strong.
Congratulations on receiving those miracles too, it means that you deserve them. faith or karma it all points to the fact that you did something good to be rewarded with such blessings. Or that someone out there is here to test you...you read it as you wish x

Natalie Bea said...

Fromfuntomum thank you. Life is hard, so finding a coping mechanism that brings you peace is certainly priceless. Thank you again for triggering something within me which finally pushed me to put it all into writing after all these years x

Stuart Carter said...

I'm an atheist, but I've been in exactly the same place. It's the lucky person who doesn't end up there at least once in their life. When my brother died suddenly last year the initial shock was bad enough, but then I just seemed to sink further down and down and down, and the most dangerous thing about being that low is the lack of will to get yourself back up. You don't care enough to *want* to fight any more. Scary.
I'm so glad to hear you're turning things around.

And parenthood is stressful. It's the most stressful thing I've ever done, not least because it's never-ending; it never lets up. But paradoxically I think that's also one of its charms - it's the most important thing most of us will ever do, and if you occasionally get a glimpse that you've done it well...that's one of the most rewarding thing on earth.
Our first daughter was born at 26 weeks and we came within a whisker of losing her, but neither my experience nor yours stop us getting stressed and tired occasionally!

Natalie Bea said...

Hey Stu,

Thank you for commenting. The death of a loved one, anyone for that matter is a difficult concept for me to grasp.

It scares the living daylights out of me, but my faith gives me comfort and helps to alleviate that fear.

I follow your blog and I am moved to tears whenever I read about how you are coping with your brother's passing. It makes you realise that life is so short, death comes to us all and we never know when our time will come, so we must be grateful for everyday.

As for parenthood. Well you said it, lol

Charlene said...

A great testimony Natalie!!!
Its amazing to see how God has been working in you and I cannot wait to see how much further he brings you and uses you for his glory on this journey of life.
your story so far is a testament to his goodness, mercy & Grace.
It's amazing how quickly we can forget how blessed we truly are!
Keep speaking with honesty and truth despite the discomfort and second guessing that we all too often feel.
God and his holy spirit will give you the boldness to persevere through this.
We must keep praying for the unbelievers and have faith that God in his perfect timing will open their hearts and minds to his truth.
He is amazing! xxx

Moderne Meid said...

Wow Natalie. I'm taken aback by all the hurt and frustrations that you have experienced. This sort of read is something that would put tears in anyone's eyes. I nearly got tears in my eyes because that pain, the dark place you were in... no parent should ever have to go through that but multiple times? Your strength is amazing.

What you have gone through... I can't even imagine... not even one bit. But I am truly happy that you have been blessed with three little angles (who are really really cute by the way!!!). You've also been blessed with an amazing fiancee as well.

Parenting is tough. Parenting is a real job, the hardest job there is because of the uncertainties you may face. You don't know what happens in the future.

I think it's admirable that you were/are able to see your faults and work on them. Your children are definitely a blessing and I am so glad that you see that and that you're persevering. I'm wishing you well on your Christianity journey. xx

Natalie Bea said...

Thanks sis. You are so right. Your words of encouragement are precious to me. Xx

Natalie Bea said...

Sieta thank you. The good Lord is blessing me everyday and it is He that gives me the strength to keep on keeping on. Thank you so much for your kind words. They are more than appreciated x

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...