I hate to admit this but I'm quite a proud person.
So proud in fact, that I'd rather struggle with something on my own than ask for help. It's not a good trait to have and since having children I have often found myself having to swallow my pride and simply ask for a helping hand.
It's my son's dedication/ christening (I'm not quite sure what the difference is. I will find out and report back) this Sunday and my middle daughter turns three a few days later so we've decided to throw a joint christening/birthday party.
We'll have quite a few people coming so I've requested family and friends to bring a hot or cold dish. It may sound pretty basic but this was a really difficult decision for me to make as I often feel, rightly or wrongly, that if you choose to do something you should have the means to do it properly. I'm a grown woman and a mother, whose life decisions, no one elses has got me where I am now, and having to rely on others for help makes me feel vulnerable, needy and weak. It's a sad state of affairs isn't it?
I need to come to terms with the fact and realise that my life with three small children is chaotic right now and I can't do it all. l simply don't have the time or the means to sort everything out in good time, So I have to ask for help and it seems everyone is more than happen to oblige. I know this is my issue and people are more than happy to assist where they can.
There are moments when I think if I can't provide then I shouldn't be doing it, but that's the wrong attitude to have and why make my children suffer for my own insecurities? No. It is much better to go ahead with the plans, ask for help and take heed of the biblical adage that pride comes before a fall.
As ever writing all my thoughts and feelings down seems to have helped me to understand myself a lot more, and reading back through my ramblings, it seems insane that I feel this way. Bizarre almost. After all if any friend or family member told me they felt this way about asking for help, I would feel sad that they felt this way. If I allow myself a moment to think hard enough it becomes crystal clear that it is the very act of helping one another that makes the World go round.
Are you too proud? Or do you have moments when you are too proud? What do you do to overcome it?