Wednesday 23 May 2012

How does your garden grow?

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As the title suggests this is indeed intended as a euphemism to discuss the disaster area that is my nether region.

Please don't laugh, but my bikini line/ area, whatever it is called is a mess  and it is irking me immensely.  Pre children it was always kept in order. Regular sessions with removal cream and a trusty pair of scissors meant things never really got too out of hand down there.



Nowadays I can just about get into the shower at my scheduled time, and if I'm lucky give my legs and underarms a quick shave, then there's my eyebrows (I get them done at my local beauty salon for a bargain £2.99), and the top lip, but the less said about that the better.......so my bikini line is way, way down the pecking order, especially as my body remains well covered these days. But with the glorious weather the UK is experiencing at the moment, that is most certainly about to change.

AND.....

Tomorrow I have a smear test and this neglected region desperately needs doing, so I've put a reminder in my phone to do it tonight after putting the children to bed. To be honest I can't be bothered, but I really don't want to freak out the nurse.

Veet removal cream, although fantastic is so faffy. The mess is annoying, but after my experience with waxing - yes don't think I didn't leave a salon half waxed before - Veet works a charm.

The pain I experienced with waxing was ridiculous. It was like nothing I've ever known. It felt like my skin was being ripped off and I was left red (yes my chocolate brown skin was RED) and swollen. I was in a lot of discomfort for days. And this comes from a woman who has endured numerous childbirths but the pain that waxing inflicts is all together different,  especially since there's no bundle of joy to hug at the end. Although I guess a well preened private region comes a very close second.

Nah I don't think so. Bring on the Veet...

9 comments:

MummaG said...

Literally laughing out loud at this post! Need a groom myself and wouldn't dare to wax there but I like my garden bare lol happy veeting - smear tests are awkward enough as it is without the added thought of a nurse having to route through your weeds lol

Unknown said...

Lol, seriously it's a bush, but I just don't seem to have the time. Must do it tonight, although I'm so tired and if I leave it til the morning that'll be a whole heap of stress, baby screaming, girls whining, my bikini line looking worse than when I started.

Give me strength....

Anonymous said...

Oh this had me smiling and nodding in total agreement! I have infact just returned from Boots with a pack of Veet to groom the exact same area! We are off on holiday tomorrow and although currently pregnant I would like to join B Lloyd in the pool and on the beach in a swimming costume of some description. However nothing has been touched down there since getting pregnant as I have felt so ill ... I am thinking I should have already done something about it! Eeeeeeek!

Unknown said...

Teamlloyd LOL - Now grooming in pregnancy is a whole other post.

That was a complete nightmare for me. I was soooo sick, that area was left neglected for the whole nine months, so you can only imagine the state.

I had to keep apologising to medical staff at my appointments hehhee *hangs head in shame*

Unknown said...

LOL! Love your post especially because is like you are talking about me! Hahahah I need to do the same as I am off on holiday in 2 days...and yep I will probably use very or,,,a raiser!
Thank you for linking to @lovenewblogs by the way xx

Unknown said...

Romanianmum it's a pain isn't it? But at least you've got fabulous hols to look forward to.

Have a fabulous time and thanks for the follow xx

PoshBird said...

Fabulous missus! I loved your post :-) I've found with age the hairs multiply too, where once was a slightly overgrown bush, there now resides a blooming full blown forest'down there'! Spiders legs escaping from bikini bottoms and knickers galore! Oh god on that note i am off to sort my 'Mary' out. . . . Now where did i put the shears?

Unknown said...

Poshbird LOL x

Mammasaurus said...

A razor for me! Motherventing did Muff Wars on January where a few bloggers decided to grow our gardens for a month. I liked it so much I never went back!

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